Come On Get Happy

The other day I posted a funny .gif parade that I titled "We Choose Our Own Happiness" and while in itself, the post was a bit of a joke, there is a lot of truth in the statement.

I think people, myself included, often look to the outside to fix whatever is bothering them, whether it be a job that they are unhappy with, the town they live in, family members that they butt heads with, the people they surround themselves with, and the list goes on. However, if you're looking for someone, or some thing else to make you happy, you're doing it wrong.

There are absolutely situations that you cannot control, and they will affect your emotions, there isn't anything wrong with that.  Sometimes a stranger is going to be rude to you, sometimes a family member is going to hurt your feelings, sometimes someone you love is going to disappoint you, that's part of the human experience.  Your reaction, and your ability to let it go, is completely up to you.

Change isn't easy, in fact it's probably the hardest thing humans ever have to do.  It's easy, even if it isn't satisfactory, to live the status quo.  If you want to lose weight, you aren't going to do so laying in bed watching Harry Potter movies every day after work (looking in the mirror) you have to eat better and exercise... but cheese is delicious and cardio sucks balls... there are always excuses, there are always reasons (tired, busy, stressed at work) to do the easy thing, but you can't expect to wake up one morning looking like Giselle if you aren't willing to do the work.

It's the same thing if you're in a toxic relationship, if you aren't willing to talk to your partner, to explain why you aren't happy and figure out how to make the changes necessary to get better, you're always going to be upset and resentful that the person you care for can't read your mind.

For people who are chronically lonely, being a hermit isn't going to solve the problem.  You need to push yourself out of your comfort zone, even if it's just smiling at the person next to you in line at the grocery check out.  Compliment a stranger, call an old friend, hang out in a place that's different than your usual haunts, you aren't going to meet new friends sitting on your couch listening to Ross an Rachel yell at each other about whether or not they were "on a break."  I know that you can meet new people via social networking, I've made some amazing friends that way, but chatting online with someone (as awesome as it can be sometimes, hell sometimes it's just what you need) doesn't always take away the need for human interaction.  This advice also goes for people who are upset about being single, Mike Rowe wrote a great response to someone who was unhappy with his job, and he also commented on how people hate being single, but they're waiting for the "Perfect Person" to fall into their lap and in love... except it doesn't work that way, YOU have to be willing to come out of your shell to meet someone new. You can read it HERE if you're interested.

I know that depression is real, that it isn't just being sad because you didn't get that puppy for Christmas 20 years ago and you just need to get over it and move on with your life.  I know that you can't make someone get help if they don't want it or don't feel like they're ready for it.  I know that you cannot make anyone else happy, just like you cannot depend on someone else to make you happy.

If you feel like you're in over your head and too tired to tread water, please seek help, whether that's calling on a friend, finding a counselor, starting a blog, volunteering at a shelter (human or animal), writing sad country songs,  or start painting your blue period... do whatever it takes to see the sunshine again. And by "whatever it takes" I mean, do something healthy, do something productive, do something to show yourself that there are better days than these.

Let go of the pain (I promise I won't burst into Disney songs here), I'm not telling you to forgive and forget the people who have hurt you, some things aren't forgivable or forgettable, I don't know your story, but you can make it so that past wrongs can no longer hurt you in the future.  Let go of toxic people in your life, even if it isn't easy, let them fade into the background where they belong, do not let them occupy space in your head or your heart, they don't deserve it.

Unfinished Business...

Unfinished business, it's something that we have all experienced at some point in our lives, maybe you have something hanging over your head at the moment.

For me the way I've felt the best about completing the business, is to just let it go. If it was going to happen, it would have already, it would have been finished in the moment.  Chasing down your high school crush on social networks and maybe even rekindling a virtual friendship hasn't worked for me, and in that I have found that I can still care for someone, and not care about picking up where we left off.

We aren't the same people we were all those years ago, our interests, our passions, the core of who we are has grown up and grown farther apart than the miles that separate us. The awkward chats that were cute and endearing in our teens are just frustrating and unsatisfying at this point.

I can still be happy for you when you're happy, I can cry with you when you're sad, I can stand by your side as your friend, and not want to lie by your side in your bed.

Operation Letting Go

I find that in our day to day lives we all get caught up in things that don't really matter. Drama on Facebook, opinions of strangers, bad drivers, that guy who didn't call back after a mediocre first date, rude people in line at the grocery store, we all have our stories about what makes our blood boil.

Here's my advice (and some I really want to take for myself) if whatever is causing your blood pressure to spike, tears to fall, or hand reach for the baseball bat under your car seat doesn't matter in the long run of your life, don't let it matter in the short run either.

Now when I say that they don't matter I mean it in, they aren't part of your life anymore or they play such a bit part that they'll go uncredited or as "Bad Date #45" when they roll the credits at the end of your story. I don't mean that as a human they don't matter and that they should jump off a cliff post haste. I don't mean they should be treated poorly or that you hate them... just that it won't change your life if they aren't part of it. This list can include an ex that you haven't seen in years and don't think you'll ever see them again... they can be people who once were a big deal but aren't on your radar anymore. They can be a childhood friend that's life took a different direction than yours and now all you have in common are a few social network sites. So on that note:

Life is too short to let people who don't matter hurt you or to let them ruin your day. It's nearly impossible to be rational with irrational people and it isn't worth the strain or stress to hang on to your anger.

I'm not saying you aren't entitled to your emotions or that you're feelings aren't warranted, you can feel whatever you want, I'm just saying that guy who cut you off in traffic doesn't even know he's a terrible driver and he doesn't care that you slammed on your breaks, being angry about it for hours/days/weeks later isn't going to solve anything.

When I saw online that an ex of mine (who I haven't had any contact with in getting close to two years now) has moved on and is having a child with someone else, yeah it felt like I was punched in the stomach for a good couple of hours, but after I thought about it, it was good news. It was the final push I needed to really let go, no hurt, no anger, just an overwhelming sense of relief. I know he's gone for good now. He's happy and honestly I'm great with that. I don't want to go back to being the person I was when we were involved, and now that bridge has been so completely destroyed that it's almost like it was never there. We can finally be the strangers we were always meant to be.

I also went through a phase where a friend of a friend was constantly posting things online that would fill me with such hostility that it was affecting my friendship with my ACTUAL friend. I took a deep breath, deleted the person and never looked back. I have found that it was great for my blood pressure and my real life friendships, win-win. Sometimes we just need to cut ties that unnecessarily bind us.

If someone hurt your feelings and they're someone you want to keep in your life, work on resolving the issue so you can both let it go. If it isn't someone you'd like to keep in your life, start making the necessary changes to cut them out. If it's someone that you feel you can't delete from your Facebook friends list hide them from your newsfeed and change your privacy settings so that you don't have to see their posts that make you seethe. If they are someone you can delete/block do so.

People only have as much power over you as you allow them to have, so if they don't matter, don't let them matter.