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This blog entry started out as lots of scribbles on sheets legal paper with lines and arrows connecting all my thoughts together
trying to explain all my rants and wishes for women in 2012. I discovered as I was trying to organize them
that they would work best in a 3 part series.
This is part one: The Rants. The
Political Angle and the Wishes will follow eventually, but these are the parts
that came to me first and most loudly.
These are the words that are keeping me up at night, these are the
things that make me need to take a Lady Macbeth type shower and I just can’t
get all the grime and ick off. Yes there
are parts that I am a guilty party to, but part of personal growth is
recognizing problems and working on making yourself a better person. So here I am; ranting, raving, and hopefully
growing.
Pretty Vs. Hot
I’d much rather hear from a stranger or
acquaintance that I look pretty rather than hot. Are we girlfriends (girls can get away with
using odd compliments with each other)? Am
I dating you? Are we hooking up? Are we naked friends yet? If the answer is “no’ any of these questions
please refrain from using the term “hot.”
The compliment (and I’m assuming you mean it that way) is just too intimate
for our relationship (or lack thereof) and it makes me uncomfortable. Also please don’t send me text messages or
emails or facebook private messages with these compliments so that your
wife/girlfriend/other women you are hooking up with can’t see it and get on
your case about it. They know what the
word implies and if it would bother them for you to use it on me, then don’t
use it. I don’t want to be part of your
dirty game. Another request, if you’re in
a relationship (even if it is technically undefined) with me, that does NOT
give you the green light to flirt with my friends right under my nose and then
try to hide it. I guarantee my
girlfriends will do the following: check with me to see how I feel about it,
laugh about what a tool you are, and finally never ever sleep with you. Treat me with respect and I’ll do the same
for you, treat me like I don’t matter, and I’ll introduce you to my alter ego,
Frost.
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Unattainable Standards/Ideals
As a woman entering her early 30s I’m finding it
hard to know what is really expected of me.
I’ve never been married and don’t have any kids so what does that make
me? Honestly, it makes me 100% okay with my choices, but I’m not sure that many
women in this boat feel the same way.
For years I’ve had to listen to my grandmother whine and bitch at me for
not being married or in a relationship, because apparently my worth is measured
in my human legacy. I’ve had former
employers question my need to get a degree because I’d eventually get married
and have a man take care of me. I have
the GOP telling me that if I take birth control for its intended purposes I’m a
raging slut, but if I don’t take birth control and were to get pregnant, I’m a
lazy bitch who wants to milk society.
Men claim to want Barbie, but also want a woman that doesn’t intimidate
them to the point of impotence. Smart
and pretty are suddenly mutually exclusive and the only places on my body that
fat is allowed are my breasts and ass.
You know what? I call BULLSHIT on
all that. I can be single, smart, beautiful,
curvy, funny, talk sports, responsible for my own reproductive system and drive
a car with a standard transmission… Does that make me more or less of a woman?
Not at all, it makes me ME.
Since when did masturbation become something to
brag about? Where was I when that memo
went out? First let me say that I think
that it is natural, healthy, and the safest way to get your rocks off without
the threat of disease or pregnancy. Ladies and gentlemen play away, no judgment
from me. Now that my disclaimer is out
there I want to know when beating off because so mainstream that women’s beauty
and worth are judged based on whether or not a dude would jack off to a photo
of her… and not necessarily even a “sexy photo” (not that it would make a
difference) but any picture… sitting on the porch with her grandma? Totally up
for judgment and maybe grandma too. It’s
beyond repulsive.
Yes I will joke around with my friends over
attractive men with the occasional “yeah, I’d hit that” and maybe that makes me
just as bad, or maybe I’ve just been conditioned by our society to think that
this kind of behavior is acceptable.
When clearly it’s rude and dehumanizing.
If I don’t want jerks creeping on me, maybe I need to learn to stop
being an asshat. In my defense the
majority of my fantasies are pretty PG, lots of hand holding, kissing, pretty
words, and snuggling… maybe some brief nudity.
What I really dream about is someone who makes me feel safe, loved, respected,
and beautiful. Someone who understands
my sense of humor and loves me not in spite of my quirks and insecurities but
because of them. I dream about someone
who will chase away the monsters than haunt my dreams and cause me to wake up
screaming, not just someone with season tickets to Pleasure Town. I would take mediocre sex with someone who
truly gets me over fantastic mind blowing sex with someone who makes me
question myself and what I mean to him.
Tits or Get the Fuck Out (GTFO)
Whoa, wait a minute… who gave you ANY authority
to demand access (even if it is just visual) to my body as an admission
fee? I see this statement all over
public message boards on a daily basis.
I understand that it is supposed to be a joke, but it is decidedly not
funny. It’s misogynistic and ugly. If I want to show off my (amazing) rack, that’s
MY CHOICE, not giving into your childish demands. Do I stop you at the door and demand that you
take out your penis so that I can get a tape measure out and only let guys of a
certain “standard” into my life? Is there
a height requirement outside my bedroom door?
How about I hang a sign that says “Douche-bags need not enter” I’m
pretty sure that would cover the bases.
Who made all this crudeness okay?
Should we blame social media? The porn
industry?
Is it our fault as women for
being so damn awesome that men can’t be expected to control themselves and
their urges?
Why is it suddenly
acceptable for men to treat women like sex toys and we’re supposed to giggle
like it’s cute?
Did I accidently take a
DeLorean ride back to the 1940s or something?
Guess what guys, women are strong, beautiful, and powerful and we don’t
have to put up with your shit anymore.
Are you scared yet?
I know some
of you are… but that’s for another blog.
Mean Girls
Why is it so hard for women to get along? Even
friends can often turn to frenemies and co-workers easily become
hell-bitches. I feel like we let little
things that shouldn’t affect our relationships (personal or professional) get
in the way. Sometimes I feel like I need
to tell my female co-workers to leave me alone so I can get some work done
while they’re chatting about their personal lives, but I know if I cut them off
it would hurt their feelings and then I’d have to deal with dirty looks and
snotty behavior the rest of the day, when it’s better for office harmony to
listen to the stories, even if it is extremely counterproductive. If it was one of my male co-workers I could
easily say “go away, I’m busy” and they don’t get their feelings hurt that I
don’t have time to talk to them about things not directly related to the job at
hand.
Mommy Wars:
It seems like in the media there appears to be
ongoing knock down drag out fights between Stay at Home Moms Vs Working Moms in
one arena, down the street the other big fight is between Single Women Vs
Married Women. I’m a big fan of
supporting all of them.
I think in regards battling mommy idealogy each family needs to
decide what is best for them and everyone else needs to stay out and not preach
about how their way is better. If the
kids are happy, healthy, and not in an abusive situation then mind your own
business.
To breastfeed or not to breastfeed, again this
decision is best left up to each family to decide what works best for
them. It isn’t for other mom’s to look
down on mother’s who choose to feed their children formula instead. Unless you are in the family you don’t know
their story, not the whole one anyway.
Relationship Status:
Hey married women, most single ladies aren’t
trying to steal your husband, and if you do find someone who seems to be
getting a little too close to your husband, talk to your man about how his
relationship with this woman is inappropriate.
Don’t let him off the hook.
He’s
the one who is breaking/bending your vows, yes the woman in question is far
from innocent, but she isn’t the only bad guy.
A lot of single ladies are happy for their married friends, however,
please stop bitching about how awful it is that he leaves the toilet seat up or
how he never remembers to put gas in your car.
If you don’t counter the venting with some praise your friends are going
to wonder why you’re married in the first place.
Single ladies, if a man is married, in a
committed relationship, otherwise off the market do not pursue him.
Who wants a cheater?
Chances are if he’s going to cheat on his
wife with you, he’s going to cheat on you with someone else.
It’s not just about having respect for the
institution of marriage, it’s about having respect for yourself.
Don’t be a poacher, it isn’t cool.
All ladies, remember to nurture your friendships
with women, because when it comes down to it, your girls will stick with you
through life’s toughest moments in ways that men aren’t capable of dealing
with. Even if you are perfectly
blissfully married to the most amazing man on the planet, there are going to be
moments only other women understand, because they’ve been through the same
experiences. I’ve had talks with women I’ve
only met minutes earlier and most of the time it goes like this “Oh honey, you
think that’s bad? Let me tell you about
______.” We’ve all been there in some
way or another and are such good resources of information and emotion that we
can often bring each other from tears to giggles and from irrational behavior
back to calm. We have the ability to
help each other as much as we hurt each other, let’s try to use our powers for
good instead of evil. If we weren’t so
busy competing with each other over jobs, men, and social standing we could
truly rule the world.
