Jubilant July

First I want to say Happy 800+!! We made it today, couldn't have done it without you faithful/new readers.

July was a crazy awesome month so here's the rundown. Slightly out of chronological order but still documented for your amusement.

• Per tradition I spent the 4th of July with my bestie and her husband (she has great recipes and DIY projects on her blog, you should take a gander) at her parents house for an annual BBQ, this is the first year my "other parents" weren't in attendance (they were out of town on business) but we still had a wonderful time drinking margaritas, roasting marshmallows, telling stories around the fire pit, and just relaxing with good friends.
• A weekly Girls' Night was started this summer, we've titled it Hot Tub Thursday, even though we might jot always meet on a Thursday or get in the jacuzzi, it's really just a reason for us girlies to get together and not lose track of each other as our lives get crazy. Always make time for your friends and they'll make time for you. Also if you ever need a karaoke buddy, I'm your girl. One of the girls' nights this month we went to a dive bar in Goleta (old town tavern, in case you were interested) and I brought the house down with the classic Bon Jovi song "Livin' on a Prayer" and before you ask, no I wasn't drunk. I just hit the stage and perform. I think it's all those years of dancing as a kid. Put me on a stage and I'll entertain you.
   
• While my aunt and uncle took a vacation this summer they hired me to watch their house and dog, little did we know my 19 (almost 20) year old cousin would also be home from school for those 10 days. He obviously didn't need a baby sitter but I stayed any way and we had a great time spending one on one cousin time together and I actually was surprised by how much fun I had hanging out with his friends. We had some good talks and I think have a better appreciation of who the other one is. I'm so glad we had the opportunity to do it. I would do it again in a heartbeat without question.

• It's finally happened after a months long dry spell I finally started dating again. Someone I've known for years called me out of the blue one evening, asked me out, and we've been spending a lot of time together since. I can't tell you how great it is to be dating someone who is excited to see you every time you get together, to be involved with someone who can make you laugh so hard that you can't breathe, who can quote all your favorite movies, and who makes you smile all the time instead of making you feel like a crazy person. I'm used to dating the person who makes me insane, I have to say this is such a welcome change.

• While this next paragraph isn't exactly a happy bullet point, it isn't sorrowful either. This month my great grandmother passed away. She was 102 and died in her sleep. Grammy was a fabulous lady and the world is a better place because she was in it for so long. The funeral was the strangest I have ever been to, and in the best way possible. Yes there were moments of sadness, but it was truly a celebration of the long life she lived and loved. There was more laughter than tears. Even the priest was cracking jokes throughout the services. Even though it was under sad circumstances it was really nice to see everyone together on once place and what was even better was to see family members set aside their differences (even if it was just for a few hours) to honor someone we all loved.

• I can't talk about July without mentioning that it is BIRTHDAY MONTH. This year I celebrated the 10th anniversary of my 21st birthday, yes people I am 31. Don't feel weird, it's hard for me to believe too. This year I celebrated by going to dinner in SLO with my parents (the June NOLA trip was also part of the celebration); going to a Brad Paisley concert with my sister, dad, and his girlfriend; going to dinner (sushi) and a movie (The Dark Knight Rises) with friends; wine tasting with friends; dinner with my grandma and aunt; going to a Kellie Pickler concert with my aunt; multiple trips to the California Mid-State Fair; and a mini office party at work. I think it's safe to say I'm loved and very lucky to have such fantastic people in my life.

Girl Blog 3 of 3: A New Wishlist

Happy Anniversary Blogger, its been a year already and I think its appropriate to celebrate with a new wish list. My first post on this site was My Wish List and while a lot of these wishes are still hopes I have for the future its time for a new list.

My hopes for women haven't changed, if anything I hope that in the years to come we won't have to still be fighting the same battles our grandmothers fought for equality, reproductive freedom, and won't be judged on anything but our own personal merit.

A lot has happened since I posted my wish list last year, it was a chronical of my thirtieth year in many ways... and with the year winding down for me (my birthday is Friday, if you want to send presents I'm totally on Amazon.com) I thought maybe this could be a New Year's Resolution type post. Not just wishes for the population as a whole, but more localized.  The way I want to live 31.

• Don't sweat the small stuff.
• I know its totally cliched, but I get so caught up in making things that don't matter in the long run matter in the present that I lost sight of what really is important.
• Chill on the out of control spending
• Do I really need that sweater in 4 different colors? Will two or {gasp} one suffice? Do I really need it at all?
• Write More
• Whether it be here on the blog, or short stories, or in a journal, set the pen to the paper and get the words out.
• Appreciate EVERYTHING
• Good times, bad times they all have their lessons to teach.
• Experience the Out of the Ordinary
• Take chances that I wouldn't necessarily always take. Who knows where it could lead.
• Don't Be Afraid to Say No
• I know this almost contradicts the one that I posted before, but this is more in the sense that I tend to overload myself because I want to be able to do it all. Sometimes I need to sit back and either let something slide or let someone else handle it. I don't need to be in charge all of the time. I can share the reins.
• Cultivate Positive Relationships
• Sometimes people are in your life for a season, sometimes a few years, sometimes a lifetime. Everyone you meet has a specific purpose in your life, even if its just a small encounter, who knows where you might find inspiration to do the next big thing.

I think that these are all do-able goals and I look forward to tackling the new year.

Girl Blog: 2 of 3 Looking for a Few Good Men

I know initially my plan for my 3 part girl series was going to focus on the political issues surrounding being a woman in 2012, but I changed my mind. If you are interested in all the legislation surrounding vaginas as of late I urge you to check out UniteWomen.Org there is a lot of great information there and a lot of hard working women that are fighting the good fight to protect our rights as adults who are capable of making our own decisions about our bodies, lives, and families. Its not that I don't find the issues at hand extremely important, the evasiveness disturbing, and the unbalanced nature of health care coverages appalling, its just that I think that they can do a much better job of explaining everything without resorting to name calling than I can.

I have decided that since I had the rant about how hard it is to be a woman these days, I thought I'd try my hand at a counterpoint. Not necessarily a post about how "its equally hard to be a man" or "why are all the good ones taken" or "what the fuck has happened to the Y chromosome?" just some thoughts and ideas about the men of 2012, the good, the bad, and crazy.

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

A couple of weeks ago I went downtown to go dancing with some of my girlfriends, and looking around all the dance floors we invaded I couldn't help but wonder where all the "Guy's Guys" were.  Every boy we saw had a deep v-neck, over gelled hair, and a boy BFF to grind on.  I couldn't figure out if it was the last night of Pride, if all the men in town were overly in touch with their feminine sides, or if I was just finally too old to party in a college town. I remember leaning over to one of my friends and saying wistfully "Remember the days when men weren't so secure in their masculinity and would sit a seat apart at the movies and would lean up against the wall in a club until a girl that they wanted to dance with walked by? I miss those days." I know that sounds mean. I know. Its a double standard... Girls grind on each other all the time and its cute and fun, if I demand equal treatment from men, I should be prepared to grant them equal treatment. The thing is, if I was able to be attracted to someone who behaved just like me, I'd be checking out the skirts myself.

I read an article on Jezebel.com this morning that was about how we as a society need to redefine the term "manly" it was written in response to a NY Times article stating that men need to rediscover their inner Don Draper. I think they both have valid points and that they are both silly at the same time. Maybe we do need to redefine what it means to be manly, but defining it as a male who gets manicures/pedicures and his chest and eyebrows waxed isn't going to do it for me. Give me Paul Bunyan over Paulie D any day of the week. I like that the general hygiene of males has significantly evolved since cro-magnum days, but I don't want to share my make up remover with my lover. I want to feel safe and secure with my guy, I want to know that even though I can take care of myself, he wants to take care of me (I'll be loving and supportive of him, I want that in return). I like guys with calloused hands, who are gainfully employed, guys who will open the door for me, who respect me and my opinions (even if said opinions differ from theirs), laugh at awkward situations, are secure in their own skin, and don't need to be drunk to have a good time. The rest of the stuff is just details. Doesn't seem like a lot to ask for.

What I don't want is someone who lives on his parents' couch, who's never had a real job, and would rather get loaded than become a contributing member of society. I'm not in college anymore, that is no longer how I define what it takes to be a man. Pay your bills, show up to work on time, and have your own place (or at the very least have roommates that didn't participate in your conception). Also? Have a valid driver's license; DUIs aren't sexy. They don't make you look cool, they make you irresponsible. I'm not saying you have to drive a Ranger Rover, but you won't be impressing anyone if you roll up on a BMX.

I guess my best definition of what a man is to me is some who has outgrown his little boy stage, someone who loves his mama, but doesn't need her to cook him dinner every night.

Please Don't Accuse me of Emotional Terrorism
I had an ex years ago who would say mean things to me, make me cry, and then accuse me of using my tears to make him feel bad. He called me a manipulative emotional terrorist, because my reaction to his asshole behavior was to be vulnerable.

Emotions are not a bad thing. Be emotional, at least its real. Don't be a jerk and expect me not to react. If you're sad, stressed, upset, happy, whatever, let me know, don't be the King of Stoicism and think that I'll be able to read your mind and understand what you're going through. I'm not telepathic, but I want to be there for you, it's your job to decide if you're going to let me.

I'm Sorry if I'm Sending Mixed Messages
I know women say they want a man to be able to be vulnerable with them, but get weirded out if their man cries around them. It is a weird moment, but that doesn't mean it's bad. I'm glad that you trust me enough to let your guard down.

Just because I like kissing you, doesn't mean I'm ready to be naked friends with you. Kissing is fun and playful, but I might not be ready for the kind of emotional attachment that sex might bring. One does not necessarily lead to the other. I might not ever be ready to be naked with you just because I really like kissing you. It might not even be you're fault that I'm not ready for sex. The last person I was with hurt me pretty bad and I had rushed into sex with him before I knew where I stood and I'm a little gun shy. I understand that these are my issues and I shouldn't punish you for other men's sins, but it's still my body and my feelings and I don't know that I want to share them yet. You have the option to be patient with me, or you can walk, but please don't try to pressure me into having sex because you think I'm being a tease.

I know you're out there--you can't just exisit in my imagination, because what would be the purpose of having all these feelings if I can't share them. I guess it's just my turn to be patient.