I'll Get There When I'm Ready

I find myself often being a person that friends, family, and friends of friends or family turn to for advice. I'm really not sure why that is, especially when it comes to relationship advice seeing has how I have never been in a healthy stable relationship, but never the less I'm someone people turn to.

I am so honored that people trust me in that manner even if they don't know me that well. Maybe they find that I listen well and I try not to judge too harshly.

I'm starting to think that it's getting time to take my own relationship, or rather breaking up advice, and that is this: You'll let go when you're ready.

Yes I know it's all vague and zen, but it's true. The brain and the heart aren't always in agreement on when the appropriate time to let go of someone you loved is, eventually they will get on the same page and you will let go at that point.

My plan is to stop beating myself up over having feelings for someone longer than some ambiguous deadline that I've given myself. I know I don't want to be with that person anymore and any hope for reconciliation has long vanished, I know this person will never be what they once were to me and 99 out of 100 days I'm okay with that fact. However on that one day my heart takes over and makes me wistful for the fantasy of what could have been "if only"

Today was that one day. I spent all day on the verge of tears and my stomach all tied in knots and I was angry about it. So fucking angry. Why can't I stop feeling? How can you still hurt me even without doing anything? We haven't had any contact in 6 months and you haunt my dreams. It isn't fucking fair.

For whatever reason my heart isn't ready to let go. It will when it's ready.

Maybe it will take meeting someone new, maybe it will just take time to build up some scar tissue over the open wounds. I'm ready to start giving other people a chance, even if I get hurt again, I refuse to allow you to keep me running scared. I'm stronger than you ever gave me credit for.

Maybe I'm closer to ready than I thought, and even if I'm still straddling the fence I can keep my eyes on the horizon and know there are better days ahead.

Shattered Glass

Preface: I wrote this "letter to him" after a night filled with anxiety attacks, vivid dreams, and a lot of tears. Its raw and unedited, exactly how I felt when I first woke up.


I hate how just seeing your name can make me break out into a cold sweat, how the mere thought of you gives me nightmares or even worse happy dreams of what could have been. How do you still have this hold on me? Why am I finding it so impossible to let you go? You aren't good for me, you never were. You have proven yourself to be selfish and untrustworthy. Those aren't qualities I'd look for in a friend or a lover, so why doesn't that goodbye we said 6 months ago feel final? Why am I so scared that one of these days you're going to show up out of the blue and the sound of your voice will make me forgive you? Am I really that weak? Do I hate myself that much that I would allow you back into my life just to break me all over again? Why did I ever love you? Why does it feel like I still do? I was never that important to you, so why did I allow you to become the center of my world?



SSFW: A giggle inducing guide to life, sex, and stuff

This blog is sort of co-authored by The Elitist.She had this idea that she wanted to post a blog about all the things she's learned from men in the past 15 months and have it be really silly and fun... I started texting her funny lessons I've learned dating in the past decade and she decided that maybe I should post the blog myself. 

So in no particular order, and by no particular order, I will list the following lessons by bullet point. Feel free to guess who said what and it might be a good idea to not have a beverage while reading. There were a few other contributors to the list and if you have any to add feel free to add them to the comment section. There is always room for more giggles. If you want a more serious list of the dating lessons I've learned over the years check out my blog about Loving Mr. Wrong  or being In Love With Love Apparently I write about relationships... but really what is life about if not relationships. They don't all have to be romantic, but human interaction is what we do.

Time to stop feeling philosophical and start making the list...

• I was introduced to medium rare steak, bread and butter pickles, and diet dr. pepper, those were the best things I can take from that relationship
• Always were a pony tail (for those with long hair) during kinky sex or you'll never get the tangles out.
• Semen in the eye stings like a mother fucker, but can be an effective hair gel if you run out.
• OMG cum in your eye will leave you with a red eye for three days and will ruin your contact
• If you have high intakes of wasabi and garlic in your diet, that's what your spunk will taste like and she'll never swallow again
• Or let you cum in her mouth again
• Shaved balls are gross
• If the rest of your body is hairy, do not shave your balls, it's alarming
• Gatorade immediately after a bender will help make the hangover more manageable the next day.
• Please refrain from using cutesy nicknames on the second date, wait until we're in a relationship, and even then be careful some are just cringe worthy.
• Don't forget to break up with your significant other/roommate before bringing new dates home, the outcome will be less than stellar.
• Change your sheets between bed buddies, no one appreciates souvenirs from previous guests 
• Never tell someone you're sleeping with that you love them... like a sibling
• No one wants to blow Swamp Thing, keep it clean friends.
• There is a right way and a wrong way to 69, him on top with swamp crotch = the wrong way
• Booty Call Rules are as Follows:
• if he calls after 10:59 its a booty call
• he needs to be single
• he can't meet your family
• he can come to your place
• he just needs to be single and hot!
• if your BC is your crush's bff don't expect your crush to ever be your BF
• its super hard to transition from a BC to a relationship... not saying it can't happen, but don't expect it to.
• If she's more interested in the cartoon going on in the background, you're probably doing it wrong
• Do not tell me you have a 24'' cock, because I will laugh at you and call you a liar. Its involuntary, really, when someone tells you something that ridiculous laughter is imminent.
• Ziploc is not an effective form of birth control
• If you're planning on breaking up with a girl, please don't take her on a super romantic vacation immediately before. It just makes goodbye that much harder and you kind of look douchey.
• Led Zepplin makes a perfect making out soundtrack
• Whiskey dick is NEVER appreciated.
• There is a right way and a wrong way to pull a girl's hair... if her reaction is a confused look or "ouch ouch that hurts!" you probably did it wrong.
• Sometimes the best sex is the kind that makes you burst out in uncontrollable laughing... no honey I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing because I'm having a good time.
• Fake boyfriends can never know that they are the fake boyfriend.
• You really shouldn't be proud that girls tell you "8 Second Ride" is your theme song, it doesn't mean what you think it means...
• You may think having long hair is sexy, but seeing as how it always doubles as something to grab onto, I'm always in some sort of a back-bend. No wonder I end up having sex on my head so often. Its like a permanent yoga session in my bedroom.